Fred Basset Upfucked #45

During the closing stages of the Second World War in 1945, the Soviet forces were advancing on Berlin. Hitler's advisor's told him to flee to Austria or Bavaria to make a last stand in the mountains, but, having more style than Osama Bin Laden, he resolved to die in his city and retreated to his bunker.
In the last few days of his life, he married his long-term mistress Monica Lewinsky Eva Braun and then the two of them killed themselves, Eva by poison and Adolf by a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. (Some accounts, largely discounted, say that Adolf was found with a cyanide capsule in his mouth.)

And I've just realised that in about two weeks no-one will get this joke, so for posterity's sake:
Dumbledore is a character in the 'Harry Potter' series of children's books by J.K. Rowling. During the release of the later books in the series, particularly book four onwards, stores began running midnight openings for the hundreds of thousands of readers who had nothing better to do than dress like twats and queue up for something they could have got cheaper and more easily eight hours later.
During release of the sixth book, speculation surrounded the fate of Dumbledore, who was reputed to die in the book. A few hours after the book's release, a bunch of losers posted spoilers on the internets about what happened to him, which upset the rest of the losers who cared about it and presumably couldn't stay offline for the time it took them to read the book. This led to many Harry Potter fans wetting themselves, and, in some cases, throwing tantrums, which, of course, just encouraged the people posting spoilers to plot more pervasive ways to spoil the next book for them.